Each of us experiencing the desire to be seen & heard are inside our own private chrysalis at this time.
Questioning what is & opening to more & bigger is what the caterpillar does when it spins its cocoon. It goes into itself, away from its old ways. No more crawling around with the risk of being eaten or squashed. Taking a step back from the go go go.
The chrysalis eperience. Being still was agony. My self hate was very deep. Feeling useless was worth than death. Very painful phase. Sitting & looking at the garbage I believed I was. I was drawn to TV shows like “20/20” “Dateline” “American Greed” “Touch” “Investigation Discovery”. What was the human experience all about? Spinning a cocoon around me, coming out of me, darkness…
Nothing made sense until someone helped me see that none of the inherited beliefs I was clinging to were even mine to begin with. Wow! Waking up to that truth was mind blowing in a good way. It meant that everything I believed about myself was not true.
THEN a whole new struggle ensues! This one is different though. This one is waking up to the fact that “I CHOOSE!” How do you know if you are in this phase? Everything & everyone in your life feels too tight.
Like starting a new grade in high school. The clothes from last year are too tight & may even look ugly to you. I remember looking in the mirror the week before starting a new grade in high school & being horrified at what I saw. Not only did I have a forehead full of acne, I had a unibrow!! This was unacceptable! There was no way I was going to chance an encounter with the high school Mean Girls until my face got fixed. Eyebrow tweezing OCD was born.
Think my example is extreme? My family did, ha ha! Fussing about one’s appearance is considered pretentious where I come from. I did not have the words to describe how ugly I felt inside, how I was desperate to cover that emptiness up. Everything that they made look easy was EXTREMELY difficult for me.
Hence the struggle the almost butterfly experiences. We all know what happens if an outside force “ helps” the butterfly out of the cocoon. It dies. We all know what would happen if the almost butterfly gives up. It ALSO dies.
The funny thing is, the ones who have been in our lives for a period of time are not especially fond of those who question, ask why, or god forbid choose a new path, a new idea, a new belief system. I had to leave the beaten path of my Ancestors. That path killed my Spirit. It did not fit me. I did not fit it. Either way, I could NOT continue being the one who PRETENDED to have it altogether. Those people were never my people.
Now that I have created a whole new internal eperience with myself, I advise: Keep going. Keep questioning. Keep asking what else is possible here. Why? Because you are here. A lot of people say a lot of things. This can be confusing. Sit with the confusion. Pull it apart. What is confusing? Collect the details of what makes up your life experience. What did you believe to get you to this place? What is YOUR personal potential?
Find a role model who is living their butterfly life. Open to receive your own butterfly life. It won’t be like anyone else’s. Yay!!!